My Lost Love
by IAMAMYTH
Summary: Okay, first proper fanfic. Elliot/Cox pairing. Perry POV. **WARNING: CHARACTER DEATH! Well, later on anyways.** Please read and review, I love this fic despite being uber nervous about it.
1. Our Last Spent Part I

A/N: Hello /waves to reader/ Okay, this is my first fanfic, so I'm pretty nervous about this. AR. Dr. Perry Cox POV. Elliot/Cox pairing. Character death. Thoughts and flashbacks in italics.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Scrubs. That little gem belongs to its creator Bill Lawrence, and (who is it nowadays? ABC??) them. I do own the plot, and my creative brain.

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**Chapter One: 'Our Last Spent'**

I walk through the glass doors of Sacred Heart Hospital. Blue, green, orange, pink and white fly past as people get on with their lives.

"Excuse me Doctor!" A young paramedic yells at me, forcing me against the wall.

"It's Dr Cox!" I growl after her, watching her wheel an elderly woman in a wheelchair to the admissions desk.

Shoving my hands in my coat pockets, I make my way to the nurse's station. I keep my eyes to the floor, the god-damn dirty floor. _If he doesn't clean the floor, what does Jumpsuit actually do?_

I see the nurse's station ahead of me, Carla is there, as is Ghandi. I sigh heavily, hoping that Ghandi won't feel the need to show his wife his love in front of me. Carla looks up at me, and smiles sweetly.

"What's got your goat already?" she smirks, as I pick up a chart. I shake my head at her, as I hold out my hand. She reaches under the desk, and pulls out my white coat, the symbol of medical status. I snatch the folded coat from her hands, and I put the chart back on the counter.

"Baby..?" Ghandi asks, looking at Carla, his eyebrow raised.

"Yeah, Ghandi – Carla here is the good little guard dog for my coat. Since someone stole some cash from my wallet, I damn-right refuse to use my locker." I scoff, throwing on my coat. I grab the chart I neglected on the counter, and began to scan the information. I could feel Ghandi's gaze travel from myself to his wife, that confused look never leaving his face.

"Hey baby, I gotta run. I've got a surgery with Todd. See ya later." He announced after a few moments, puckering up his lips and closing his eyes.

"Yeah, see you later baby." Carla smiled, closing her eyes and gently kissing her husband. She watched with a hint of sadness on her face as he ran down the corridor to catch up with some of his scapel-twiddling buddies.

"Listen Carla…if you see Jordan, make some excuse for me. Tell her I've gone to drown my soul before she can eat it, whatever." I admit, glancing over my shoulder, hoping she isn't behind me. Carla rolls her eyes, grabs a chart and heads off down the coridor.

"Hey Doctor Cox!" A shrill noise rings into my ear, as Barbie bounces up to the nurse's station.

"What now Barboo...did Sheila steal your crayons?" I smirk, wishing she would begin to cry and run to the nearest closet.

"Aha, no. I got Ms. Broderick's test results back." I look up at her, a saddened look across her features. I raise my eyebrow expectantly.

"Do you want me to guess? If I win, do I get a prize?" I ask in mock excitement. She says nothing, and holds out Ms. Broderick's chart. I snatch it from her crasp, and scan the information. I let out a sigh, closing my eyes and pinching the bridge of my nose.

"Doct--" Barbie begins, but I cut her off.

"Its luekemia. Ms. Broderick's got leukemia." I shake my head, wishing it was something less serious. I turn on my heel, and walk to Ms. Broderick's room. Stopping briefly at the door, I take a deep breath, and open the door slowly. "Ms. Broderick?.."

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I walk towards the nurse's station. Throwing the chart on the desk, I put my head in my hands.

"Doctor Cox??" Barbie asks softly, looking up from the chart of another patient. I look up at her, waiting for her to continue. "Is everything alright?" she asks, a concerning smile on her face.

"I've just told a single, widowed, 36 year-old mother of two, that she has luekemia, and has months to live. How do ya think I am Barbie??" I snap at her. I glanced over my shoulder, looking through the window of Ms. Broderick's room, feeling a strong sense of guilt as I watch her cradle her sobbing sons, tears flowing down her face.

"I'm really sorry Doctor Cox." I whip my head around to her, as she cautiously places a comforting hand on my shoulder, quickly pulling it away. Straightening up, I pick up another patient's chart, nodding slightly and striding down the hall.

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I sit in the doctor's lounge, right ankle resting on my left knee, reading the newspaper that was balanced on my right leg. I growl to myself when I notice Barbie walk through the door. I glanced up from the paper long enough to notice she had changed her clothes. She was wearing a spaghetti-strap wine coloured knee-length dress that was layered from the waist, and she wore gold heels with straps. She opened her locker, without acknowledging him, and pulled out a black jacket of thin-looking material.

"Going somewhere nice?" I asked softly, immediately regretting asking. She spun around, looking at me which a confused expression.

"Um..I guess so. My brother Barry, y'know, the gay brother, yeah him, he's getting married, to Stuart. Today. Like right now. Real nice place as well, just a registry office, nothing spectacular, its got these gorgeous yellow flo-"

"Barbie! Let me present..Man Not Caring" I point to my face, and smile. She shakes her head, as she pulls on her jacket. Raising my eyebrows in satisfaction, I return the newspaper.

"Uh...D-Doctor Cox??" she asks nervously. She glance up at her, as she fumbles with her keys and phone.

"Would you...would you come with me? To the ceremony?" she mumbles, focusing her gaze on the floor. Dumbstruck, I stay in my seat, thinking about it.

_What do I do?? I mean, she has no-ho idea how I really feel. It could be my chance..I could confess everything, I won't have to keep up this facade as much. But ugh, family celebrations? Could there really be a worse opportunity? I don't feel like going back to my apartment, having to do the ritual post-divorce angry sex with Jordan. _

"Sure. Why not?" I answer quietly, she flicks her gaze to meet mine, smiling nervously. Her gaze travels up and down my body, before returning to my face.

"Great. And, what you're wearing is fine." she says, hitching her small bag back up her shoulder. I nod, folding the newspaper, and throwing it on the sofa as I stand up.

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We walked to her car, neither of us speaking a word as we made our journey from the doctor's lounge to the hospital entrance.

"Here we are." she suddenly announced, pointing to her car and fumbling with her car keys. I walk to the passenger side, waiting for her to unlock the car. She twisted the key in the lock, shaking her head she pulled the handle.

"Ah, wait.." she murmured, twisting the keys the other way. Tugging at the door handle again, she frowned, pulling out the key.

"One second.." she fumbled with her grip on the key, before dropping it on the ground. "Frick!" she muttered to her self, as I smirked.

Standing back up, she put the key in the lock again, twisting it the same way as her first attempt, jumping slightly when I pulled the handle for the door to open. "There we go." she smiled, blushing a bright red.

We both slide into the car, slamming our doors behind us. Pulling our seatbelts on, I watch her as she fidgets nervously in ther driver's seat. She nods to herself, as she turns on the ignition, throwing the gear into the reverse, and driving out of the hospital parking lot.

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I hold open the door, she nods politely as she tipsily stumbles through. She stops at the pavement, a raises her arm for a taxi which drives towards us.

"Here." I notice her shiver slightly from the cold night air, I take off my coat and gently drape it over her shoulders, she smiles gratefully.

"Thank you, Doctor Cox."

"For what?"

"Well, for the coat. And for agreeing to accompany me tonight. I appreciate it."

"It's nothing." I reassure her, as the taxi shrieks to a halt in front of us. She opens the passenger door and slides in, while I jog around to the other side of the car and get in.

"So, do you think you will get married?" I ask, pulling the seatbelt across my chest.

"Yes, someday. Wait - the way you asked that, it's like you don't think I will." she shrugs, staring out the window, as the car drives off.

"I didn't mean it like that. I meant, would you like to? Y'know how people can be against marriage, that fear of commitment." I explain, trying to catch her gaze.

"Like you and Jordan, you mean?" she retorts, a small smirk creeping across her face.

"Ooh, backbone Barbie makes a comeback. Yeah, something like that." I laugh. She turns around to look at me.

"Do you think you'll get married? Y'know, again?" she asks, her gaze locking with mine.

"Maybe...relationships are too much hassle Barbie, you know that." I shake my head, trying to forget my marriage to Jordan.

"Yeah, they are. I just wanna find a decent guy who can cope with my neurotic personality, my dependancy, my need for independance, someone one can make me laugh, can protect, who loves me..for me." she sighs, her gaze moving to the street outside. "This is my apartment building." she says, sliding off her seatbelt.

"Oh right..." I mutter to myself, as she turns to look at me.

"Thank you for tonight, Doctor Cox. I guess I'll see you at work tomorrow." she smiles, blinking a few times. She slides my coat off her shoulders, and lays it on the car seat between us.

"Uh..yeah. See you tomorrow Barboo." I force small smile, as she rolls her eyes mockingly. Opening the car door, I watch her gracefully slide out, and stand cautiously on the pavement, slamming the car door behind her. .

_Now Perry. Do it now. It might be your only chance._

I shove open my own door, telling the driver to wait for a moment.

"Barbie, wait!" I call out, as she carefully walks to the door of the building.. Spinning around as I jog to catch her up, she eyes me up and down with a confused expression.

"Yes Doctor Cox?" she asks, fiddling with her keys.

Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath.

"Elliot, there's som--" I begin looking her in the eyes, notcing how taken aback she was at my use of her real name.

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**I apologise for this first chapter being so long, and its not even finished. I'll have to put it into another chapter. So I'm posting this part now as Chapter 1, at least then you cats (I think I spend too much time listening to Tim Minchin. Pfft, there's no such thing as _too much_ Tim...I'll stop rambling now) can read it, review etc. And I'll try and post Chapter 2 in the nect few days.**

**So yeah, hope you enjoyed it, and its all in character and stuff. I know Perry wouldn't really have agreed to go with Elliot, but artistic license and all. And he HAD to, for the story..and because I wrote for him to. Please read and review. I'll give you a cupcake XD.**

**Love And Peace xxxx**


	2. Our Last Spent Part II

A/N: Hello /waves to reader/ Okay, this is my first fanfic, so I'm pretty nervous about this. AR. Dr. Perry Cox POV. Elliot/Cox pairing. Character death. Thoughts and flashbacks in italics.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Scrubs. That little gem belongs to its creator Bill Lawrence, and (who is it nowadays? ABC??) them. I do own the plot, and my creative brain.

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**Chapter One: 'Our Last Spent' [continued]**

"Barbie, wait!" I call out, as she carefully walks to the door of the building.. Spinning around as I jog to catch her up, she eyes me up and down with a confused expression.

"Yes Doctor Cox?" she asks, fiddling with her keys.

Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath.

"Elliot, there's som--" I begin looking her in the eyes, noticing how taken aback she was at my use of her real name.

"Hey Elliot!" a voice calls out from behind. I turn back, squinting to see Cassandra flailing her arms about, nearly skipping towards them.

"JD!!" she squealed, pulling him into a tight hug. I kept my gaze to the floor, not noticing that they had pulled away from their hug.

"Doctor Cox?" I look up when he address me, frowning slightly in confusion. Looking him directly in the eyes, I flick my nose and cross my arms.

"Listen closely Priscilla, if you think I am even slightly interested in what lesbian pasty sex you want with Barboo here, well, quite franky, I'd rather go back home and watch anything with Hugh Jackman while Jordan eats up my soul. And - remember to be early for work tomorrow." I turn on my heel, striding towards the car door I left open. I sat in the car, sighing deeply as I pulled the door shut.

Signalling to the driver to drive on, I tugged my seat belt over my chest. I glanced back through the back window, and watched Elliot and Newbie walk into her apartment building. Shifting back around to face the front window, I closed my eyes and slid down slightly in the seat.

_Well done Perry. Since when were you the type of guy who would chicken out of something, just because Scarlett was there. I mean, hell Perry, you're more of a chicken than she is, and her path-he-etic excuse for arms._

Opening my eyes when I notice the car has stopped, I pull out a 10 dollar bill and shove it in his clamy fist. Sliding off my belt, I shove open the door and step out, slamming the car door behind me.

Feeling the cold winter wind, I take a deep breath as I hear the car speed off behind me. Shoving my hands in my coat pockets, I stride purposefully towards my own apartment building.

I cautiously glance up at a window, and watch Jordan glare down at me, her Botoxed face showing no emotion.

_Oh no..._

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A/N: Sorry it's so short, it was just a small bit left over from Chaper 1, because Chapter 1 ended up being so long. I didn't really have much to add to this Chapter. I'm counting this as Chapter 2 anyroads. Also, sorry for the long gap between updates; was a mix of being ill (still am at the moment), family things, CAD and lack of internet recently. Please review, its always appreciated.


	3. My Regret

A/N:Hello /waves to reader/ Okay, this is my first fanfic, so I'm pretty nervous about this. AR. Dr. Perry Cox POV. Elliot/Cox pairing. Character death. Thoughts and flashbacks in italics.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Scrubs. That little gem belongs to its creator Bill Lawrence, and (who is it nowadays? ABC??) them. I do own the plot, and my creative brain.

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**Chapter Two: 'My Regret'**

Driving my Porsche into my reserved spot at the hospital parking lot, I glance out of the window at the dark clouds, covering the building in a gloom which symbolised death and fear more than the hospital itself. Turning off the ignition, I stepped out of the car and shrugged of my coat. Throwing it on the front passenger seat, I close the door.

Pointing the key back over my shoulder, I pressed the 'Lock' button and strode towards the hospital entrance.

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Taking my coffee from the bartender, I look around CoffeeBucks for an empty table. Finding one, I walk towards it, setting my coffee and newspaper on the table. Sitting down, I rest my left ankle on my right knee, and pull the newspaper closer. Leaning back in my chair, I slowly turn each page, reading and sipping my coffee.

_Peace. At last. Not that it will last long._

I look up when I notice someone sit opposite me.

"Hey Per-Per, go grab me a muffin"

"Awh, c'mon Jordan. Surely even YOU can walk over to that counter, if it was a bar you'd be up there in a jiffy for$ that next vodka shot. Now listen sweetcheeks, for once I am actually getting some peace, and I don't want you ruining that for me. So do whatever you want, just keep THAT zipped, m'kay?" I scowl, as I point to her mouth.

As she mimed zipping up her lips, I returned my gaze to the paper in my lap. I hear her scoff as she stands up, snatching my coffee cup from my hand as she saunters past. Growling to myself, I fold up my paper and abandon it on the table, getting up and leaving CoffeeBucks.

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"Say, Carla. Where is Blondie? I haven't seen her or heard that high-pitched squeak of hers all day." I ask, approaching the Latina nurse in the doctor's lounge. Stopping in my tracks, I take in the room before me.

Ghandi is sitting next to Carla on the sofa, his arm draped around her back, his fingers caressing her arm. She sniffles softly, her head resting on her husband's shoulder, tear stains down her face. Newbie is sitting on the other sofa, cradling his head in his hands, which I notice are shaking uncontrollably. Sitting next to Newbie is Todd, his head bowed and his hand squeezing Newbie's shoulder. Jumpsuit is sitting at the table with Keith. Keith is looking slumped in his chair, arms crossed, eyes closed and his head facing the ceiling. Jumpsuit is staring at the table, his hands clasped together.

I slowly step towards Carla, and crouch in front of her.

"Carla? What's happened?" reaching for her hand, as she allows her gaze to meet mine.

"El-Elliot. She's...OH GOD!" she murmured, before bursting into violent sobs. I drop her hand, my heart sinking as the realisation kicked in. Ghandi cradles his sobbing wife, planting a kiss on her forehead.

"Elliot's dead." I look over at Newbie, his voice has turned raspy, almost like a growl. I hear him choke back his sobs, as I run my hand through my hair.

"I'm so sorry, J.D., Carla, Ghandi. I really am." I say quietly, looking directly in the eyes of each of them.

Trying to ignore Newbie's big, blue and tear-filled eyes, and Carla's big, brown ones, I stand up and walk out of the room. My feet keep on walking, not stopping until I walk out of the hospital entrance.

I grip my hands on the railing, my breathes becoming angry and short. My hands begin to shake, as I allow the to let go of the rail. Resting my forearms on the railing, I clasp my hands together and bow my head.

Rocking slightly, backwards and forwards, I shake my head, denial consumes me.

_No, no, no. It can't be true. It can't be. It just can't. I won't let it. Oh God.._

I spin around, growling loudly. Striding back into the hospial, I shove Ted and Nervous guy aside, seeing nothing but a white flash of fury.

"Hey! Awg, I'm going home!" Ted whines after me, as I jog to make the elevator.

I stand silently, my hands shaking in my pockets, not even acknowledging Laverne as she nervously fiddled with her stethoscope. My brain still trying to realise that Elliot has gone, I feel tears stinging my eyes. As the door slides open to reveal a busy corridor, I cough, choking back my tears.

"Oh, no he didn't!" Laverne says, as she walks out of the elevator. The door slowly slides shut.

I clench my fists in my pockets, as I feel the shudder of the elevator as it begins to travel upwards.

"AARRGGHHHH!" I slam my fist against the cold metal surace, my chest rising in short breaths. I quickly compose myself as the door slides open once more. I hurry into the corridor, and stride towards towards the room where the Board meeting was being held. Not bothering to knock, and burst into the room.

"Perry?" Jordan asks, I avoided her cold glare.

I never saying anything, I just pull my keys out of my pocket, and pulls off my lab coat. Throwing the coat at her, I turn on my heel and leave.

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At a near jog, I find myself standing at the side of my Porsche. Forcing the key into the lock, I twist it and pull open the door. Getting into the driver's seat, pull the car door shut, I throw my regular coat into the passenger seat next to me and frantically force the ignition on. I speed out of the hospital lot, checking the rear view mirror to see Kelso hurry out of the entrance, a confused expression on his face as he watches me. I force my gaze to the front window, my hands flex on the wheel. Winding through the streets, the roads a busy canvas of colours, fumes and orange lights against the dark clouds of the afternoon.

Turning left, I pull into a parking spot outside a bar. The same bar Elliot would go to.

Grabbing my regular coat from the passenger seat, I stepped out of the car. Zipping up my coat against the harsh cold, I lock the car and stride towards the bar. Opening the door, I head towards an empty barstool. The sound of the busy bar fills my ears; the basketball game on the plasma, a random indie song playing over the speakers, and voices laughing and talking. I order a scotch, and take my gaze to the wooden counter. Delicately tracing the grooves of the worn-out surface with my fingertip, I let my mind drift.

_"Please Perry! Just one, that's all.." she asks, holding up her forefinger emphasising the number._

_"Blondie, there's so many only ways I can say. Nuh-uh, nope, not a chance, forget it, never...you get the drift." I shake my head, trying to walk away from her._

_"C'mon Perryyy! Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty please?" pleading, she grabs my arm as she jumps up and down._

_I look at her, strands of her blonde hair falling out of her elegant bun, she looks beautiful regardless. Her lips curve into a wide smile, I resist the instinct to smile aswell. She lightly squeezes my arm, before allowing her hand to withdraw, I'm immediately filled with a sense of loss._

_"Ah, fine. Just..don't expect me to say yes again. If this goes wrong, that's it." I smile slightly, as she excitedly claps her hands, and looks amongst the crowd._

_"Oh Barry...do me a favour? Take a photo of me and Doctor Cox." she grabs the hand of her brother as he passes, handing him her digital camera._

_"Sure." he smiles, putting the digital camera infront of his eye, while Elliot steps next to me._

_I feel her arm slide around my back, goosebumps cover my skin. Hesitant, I wrap my arm across her back, my hand gently squeezing her arm. We both grin, as her brother presses the button, triggering the white flash, capturing this moment._

_"There you go." Barry smiles weakly, handing the camera back to his sister, and darting off to make conversation with another guest._

_"Thank you Perry. I appreciate you allowing that to happen." she smiles meekly, retracting her arm from my back, my arm falls from her to my side._

_"My pleasure Elliot." I smile, directly looking her in the eye._

VRRM. VRRM. VRRM.

I'm snapped out of my memory by the angry vibrations of my cell phone. Whipping it out of my pocket, and look at the name on the display screen.

Sighing, I press the 'End Call' button and put the phone on the counter. I snatch the glass of scotch from the hand of the young barman, draining it with one gulp. Sliding the empty glass back to him, I roll my eyes to his scoff as he picks up the glass to refill my drink.

I notice several young couple rising from their seats, and walking to the small area for dancing. My mind flicks back to Elliot dancing at her brother's wedding, my chest tightens with the pain.

I don't notice the female Latina who sits on the barstool next to me..

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"Look Perry, I've known you for years, I know when something is wrong with you. Don't try and hide it, don't think I won't get it out of you." she lectures, her hands fiddling with her grey jacket.

I look up at her, still in her orange scrubs, and her eyes red from crying. I return my gaze to bottom of the glass in my hands.

"Carla...," I begin, my mind frantically trying to find the words.

"Yes?" she nods for me to continue.

"I was so close to telling her last night. But..I just couldn't do it. Not when Danielle turned up. And now? God, she'll never know. My regret will live with me forever..." the confession spills out of me, a lump forms in my throat.

"Perry? What's going on? What do you mean, "last night"?"

"It was Barry's wedding, she asked me to go with, and I went. I couldn't nawt. Carla, I was...I was finally going to tell her...that I loved her." Tears escape from my eyes, falling into my once-again empty glass.

"Oh.." Carla sniffed, her voice meek.

"Is her body....still, y'know. At the hospital?" I ask, not really wanting to know the answer.

"Yes." comes the simple answer.

"Guess I better go then.." I sigh, standing up and striding towards the door. I reach the door, but I stop, my hand on the door, ready to push it open. I glance back at the nurse, staring at the space where I was sitting only a moment ago. I notice her shudder as she takes a deep breath. I push open the door, and head back out into the cold.

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I drive once more into the hospital lot, and pull into my spot. I get out of the car, lock it and walk into the hospital.

I walk into the reception, and notice Dan Dorian comforting his brother. Leaning against the desk, Dan nods sadly as I walk past.

"Heyy, it's ok little brother." I hear him comfort his brother, as I make my way to the morgue. I keep my gaze on my feet as I walk along, dodging anyone who tried to talk to me.

"Um..Doctor Cox?" I look toward the direction of the squeak. Doug is standing at the door to the morgue, pulling off his latex gloves.

"What is Nervous Guy?" I bark, attempting to squeeze past him.

"Uh...Doc-Doctor C-Cox..who are you looking for?" Nervous Guy asks, panic filling his voice.

"Um. Doctor Elliot Reid." I reply, staring at my hands.

"But Doctor Reid isn't here, um, she's died Doctor Cox." he insists, sadness lining his face.

I glare at him, satisfied with the fear in his eyes. We stand in silence for several moments, staring at each other.

"Oh right. She's through there Doctor Cox." he breathes, gesturing through the door. I roll my eyes and smirk as I brush past, he pulls the door shut behind me.

My breath catches in my throat when I look at the table. I cautiously walk towards it.

Reaching out my hand, I gently caress her cheek, my thumb gently tugging on her bottom lip.

I slowly fall onto the cold stool. I withdraw my hand, and look at the body on the table.

Her skin is milky white, her blonde hair slightly splayed out behind her head. Her eyelids shut, her eyeslashes dark and long. Her lips blue, chapped and dry. I somehow find the strength to stand up, and its then I notice..

A dark crimson cut on the right side of her face surrounded by a blue bruise, from her hairline to the top of the cheek, partly hidden beneath her hair. My hands shake as I clasp them together, putting them on the back of my head.

_Oh, Barbie..._

My eyes brimming with tears, I wipe them away with the palms of my hand. Sighing, I reach down and take Elliot's hand in my own. I pull the stool closer, and slowly lower myself down. Taking slow, deep breaths, I lightly caress Elliot's hand with my thumb, locking my fingers with hers.

"Perry?" I glance over my shoulder, immediately returning my gaze to the floor.

I listen to the silence, broken by the click of the door. And then, another click. A humming sound fills the room, the white lights flicker on above my head. A scraping against the floor, as the nurse sits next me.

"You can talk to me Perry." Carla says, and I know I can trust her. Flitting my gaze to the face of the young doctor in front of me, I take a slow deep breath.

"I never told her. I should have done. But I--" I stop, as I realise that I will never get to tell her.

"I was afaid, Carla. And, darn it all, I'm more afraid now than I was before." I finish, letting the tears fall slowly down my face.

Feeling the warmth of a hand on my right shoulder, I look towards to Latina nurse. Her head resting against my left shoulder, her eyes red and closed. I slide my left arm around her back, and lightly squeeze the top of her arm, to which she returns with a gentle squeeze on my shoulder. We remain sitting in that position, looking at the blonde woman, locked in our own private universe of grieving and heartache. Everything on the other side of the door feels irrelevant.

Carla slides her hand down my back, I retract my hand from her shoulder, as she stands up and walks out of the room. A feeling of being alone and coldness sweeps over me, as tears continue to fall down my cheek.

My heart heavy, and let go of Elliot's hand and kiss her forehead gently, running the sides of my fingers down her cheek. I blink back the tears and walk out of the room.

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**Okay, I am so sorry this chaper has taken forever. I finish my computer course on Tuesday so I've been busy this week with getting everything signed and whatever. I've tried to write when I've been there, but it's hard to do, what with lack of internet connection and the assessors hovering by..like some stalker. ****So the only real time I've had to write has been after work, and then things get away with me. _I blame Zach Braff and folk at Scrubs. I can't watch for character research because I become too engrossed, next thing I know is it's bloody 1am. Grr._**

**I apologise deeply for not uploading this chapter sooner, and I just want to take the time to thank everyone for reading this, and reviewing, and adding to alerts and favourite. And I mean that for all my fics so far. i really do appreciate all the love and support I've been given with my fictions, it really means the world to me. ****Please read and review this chapter, a few scenes were a struggle to write, in terms of getting into character. I'm sure you'll spot these scenes though. I'm apologise if there's any spelling mistakes or such like, I've looked through it and I can't find any, but they say that when you read your own work over you don't notice mistakes you've made. **

**Love and Peace. XXX**


	4. My Hurt

A/N: I am so sorry for such a late update. Things have just gotten away with me, I've been going through my Scrubs boxsets, watching standup DVDs, Christmas shopping, reading, waching TV and reading up about the Open University. I can't apologise enough for taking so long, especially when everyone has been so positive about this story. I feel like I'm letting you down, God I'm kicking myself now. Again, very sorry guys.

Right, where are we. Chapter 3. Elliot's died, I decided that it would have been in a car crash..I didn't have the heart to be too gruesome to her. Perry has confessed to Carla that he loves her. Thoughts and flashacks in italics. Got all that? Okie doke, let's carry on.. :)

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**Chapter Three: 'My Hurt'**

I walk out of my bedroom, eyes blurry and squinting against the morning sunlight. I fall into the sofa, and rest my head in my hands.

I sigh heavily. _One week. It has been ONE week. Oh God._

Shaking my head and rubbing my eyes, I stand up and walk towards the drinks cabinet. Snatching a glass off the shelf, grabbing the half empty bottle of scotch and heading back towards the sofa. I pour the liquid into the glass, frowning at the droplets that spilt out onto the coffee table. Draining the glass in one gulp, I close my eyes in satisfaction as the warmth of the drink flowed down my throat. A grin crept across my face, tasting the scotch that lingered in my lips.

I pick up the phone that had been left on a cushion. I stab at the numbers, and hold the phone up to my ear. My foot tapping impatiently as I wait for an answer.

"Hello. Robert Kelso."

"Say, Bobbo..what would you do if I told ya I wasn't gonna be making an appearance in work today?"

"Well, firstly I would drag you from your apartment into the hospital, then I would kick you so hard OUT of the hospital that you would be smelling my shoe polish for months. After that, I'd hold a little celebration..in your honour, of course." Kelso sneered.

"Lookit Bobbo...I don't intend on coming into that hell-hole today. Nor tomorrow. So, just thank the Satan who spawned you that we won't have to see each other. Mm'kay?? Good day to you Bob." I slam my thumb on the button to end the call, cutting off his meek protests of "But Perry--"

I set the phone on the coffee table and pour myself another glass, throwing it back down my throat. Screwing up my nose, I make an 'aah' sound and slide the glass onto the table. I flick my nose, cross my arms and slide down to my left, stretching out on the couch. I close my weary eyes, sighing deeply, allowing my mind to wander.

_"Doctor Cox!" Spinning around, I see her running towards me; her hands grabbing onto her stethoscope, dodging interns, nurses and doctors as she ran through the ICU._

_I clench my fists in the pockets of my white coat, grinding my teeth together. By this point, she had just started her second year at Sacred Heart, and I had just realised my true feelings for her._

_"Lookit Barboo, I don't know -or care- if you need help with a patient or Cindy borrowed your new top without asking you, and you need to cry on someone's shoulder because she stained it, but whatever it is, pl-hease leave me out of it." I rant, staring into her teary eyes, as she visibly shook._

_"Buh-but...Doctor Cox, there's a proble--" Voice cracking, nervously fingering her blue watch, she stumbled over her words before i abruptly cut her off._

_"Barbie, Barbie, BARBIE! You are in your second year at his god forsaken hospital now, and I will _nawt_ hold your hand for all the teeniest decisions you have make, like what to do with those damn awful bangs, or what chick flick to rent out tonight, or who is better looking; Johnny Depp or James Franco; or which panties to wear today; the lacy ones, the black ones in case you get lucky or the big Bidget Jones style ones? I'd suggest you go with the lacy ones. And of course the answer is Johnny Depp. Gosh darnitall, you know damn well that you do nawt need me to tell you all this...although I do like saying it, I guess it is why I'm a winner. I mean hell Blondie, you are a competent doctor, you showed us all that last year, you know the textbooks by heart. Now, listen to be carefully, go back to the beginning, look at everything again..you will figure out the problem on your own, you don't need me to solve this for you...although I'd like to, to take the credit, but I have my own patients, who need my full attention. Good luck Barbie." I rant expertly, gesturing wildly with my hands, peering into her big blue eyes. I nodded, turning on my heel and walking out of the ICU._

My train of thought is interrupted by a knock on the door.

"I'm not in! Try again later!" I call out, stretching out my arms.

"Perry. It's me, open up." Jordan calls back from outside, shaking the door handle. Sighing, I walk towards the door, unlock it and swing it open. Turning my back on my ex-wife, I slump back into the couch. I watch her close the door behind her, and cautiously walk towards me. I grab the scotch and pour it into the glass.

"Perry. You haven't left the apartment for a week. Carla and DJ are worried about you. Everyone's worried about you. I'm worried about you." She mumbles, adjusting her folded jacket on her forearm. I flick my gaze up to her, wondering if I heard her correctly.

"What?" I manage to ask, my mind whirring with questions.

"Don't make me say it again Perry." She growls, and I smile. _God, I was such an influence on her. Was. Gawd, I can't make ANY relationship work!_ I run my hand through my hair.

Jordan slowly sits down next to me, staring at the half empty bottle of scotch. I watch her intently, not that there's anything to see, she holds her pokerface perfectfully.

"Perry," she begins, clearing her throat, "Carla says she wants you at the hospital now."

"What for?" I frown. Jordan glances at me, and I notice a hint of sadness across her face. She shrugs and shakes her head. Getting off the couch, I bound into my bedroom, pulling off my pyjama pants and abandoning them on the bed. Grabbing my hockey jersey, grey slacks and a fresh pair of socks from the drawer, I pull them on quickly, shove my feet into my trainers and hurry back into the main room.

The ex-wife glances up at my sudden re-appearance, as I stride past her to the door. Opening the door, I leave the apartment and walk along the corridor, as Jordan scurries out behind me.

"I'll drive.." Jordan calls after me, as I hurry down the stairs, my hand anxiously gripping the rail; hearing the door lock and heels tottering on the wooden floor above me.

* * *

I rested my chin in my palm, my fingers drumming lightly drumming the top of my cheek. I stared out of the window as the car drove towards the hospital.

I hadn't spoken to Jordan since we left my apartment, although she tried to start up a conversation a few times during the car journey. I didn't seem to have any control over anything, I didn't make decisions, some other force seemed to decide for me...like everything is planned out, and I cannot change it. It was a culture shock to me..I'm Perry Cox, I control everything...at least, I certainly control my own life. But since, that day..something changed, and I don't know what it was.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when the engine stopped, sending myself and my ex-wife into a more awkward silence. Tugging off my seatbelt, I opened the door and walked into the hospital. The reception is busy, and I squeeze past patients and relatives, my fellow colleagues staring at me as I walked through.

Jordan suddenly over took me, and led me down an endless corridor, looking identical to all the other corridors in this place. I glance at everyone as I walk past, each having the same sad expression on their face as they look at me. Jordan stopped suddenly, turning around to face me, as I noticed we were outside Kelso's office. Feeling defeated, I slighed and opened the door.

I blinked at the faces that stared at me from Kelso's office. Kelso was leaning forward in his seat, his arms leaning on the table. Ted, who hadn't noticed me, was stood by the window, fumbling one-handed with his briefcase, a frown set in his face. JD, Turk and Carla were stood by the wall opposite Kelso's desk; Carla was hugging her husband, the streaks of her tears glistening from the outside sun. Turk kept his head bowed, although his eyes were fixed on me, as he lovingly caressed the forearm and shoulder of his wife. JD was nervously clasping his hands in front of his stomach, he was staring at me with big blue eyes, a onfused yet hoepful expression etched across his face.

In the two chairs opposite Kelso were two people I wasn't expecting, and who I'm not ready to face.

Elliot's parents; Simon and Lily Reid.

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**Finally, this chapter is finished. Taken me about two weeks to write this, mainly because I couldn't get into character, and because I lost all of Perry's rant and had to type it up from scratch, not that I could remember much of it. But it's done. I want to apologise for a lot of things; any OOC-ness, errors of any kind...but most importantly, for not uploading this sooner. I've had so much positive feedback about this story, and I love everyone for taking the time to read it...which makes me hate myself more for not getting this finished a long time ago. I'm so sorry, I really am. **

**But let's not dwell in the past. I'm on the next chapter now, so I promise I'll get that posted sooner. I'm trying to find clips of Elliot and her parent's, to try and get into character, so if anyone knows series and episodes, that'll be much appreciated. I'm worried about writing Simon and Lily (I'm slightly paranoid that Wiki has got their names wrong :/ ), but we'll see how it goes. Please read and review, I love reading everyone's feedback, as I've said before - it's motivation. I'll bake you a cake (I'm getting quite good at baking XD)...Love and Peace xxx**


	5. My Frustration

Disclaimer: I do not own Scrubs; its characters, its crew or its actors..I just desire to. No copyright infringement intended; absolutely no profit is made from this, but love. To quote Russell Brand; "Let's all be nice to one another" [Big Fat Quiz Of The Year '06]

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Chapter Four: My Frustration

"Aah, Perry, you're here...about time too." Kelso muttered under his breath, glaring as I stood in the doorway.

"Oh, this is Perry? Perry Cox??" Lily stammered as she tightened her grip on her husband's hand. Nodding slightly, I eyed the two people in front of me.

The shadows which filled in the creases of their faces portrayed their tiredness, disturbance and pain. Hair disheveled, eyes red and swollen, tear-stained faces, and chapped lips, they rocked slightly in the chairs; their hands clasped together and their fingers locked together, they were visibly shaking. _Understandable, I guess; considering recent events._

"Is there any particular reason for him being here?" Simon scowled, narrowing his eyes slightly. I cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Is there any particular reason for him to not be here?" Carla asked softly, her voice wavering as she glanced at me.

"The fact he made our daughter's lives a misery..." Simon twisted around in his seat towards Carla, "That a good enough reason for ya?"

Carla moved her gaze to the floor as Turk pulled her closer in comfort, while Simon twisted back around to face Kelso as Lily broke out into sobs. I scoffed, the hypocrisy of her words amazed me.

"Something you'd like to say Cox?" Simon snarled, his hand gently rubbing circles on Lily's shoulder. I balled my hands into fists, I noticed my breaths had become shallow and anger filled my being.

"Hypocrisy, Mr Reid," I began, smirking inside as he frowned in confusion, "Selective memory too, I'd guess."

"How'd you mean?" Lily sniffled, wiping the tears that ran down her already tear-stained cheek with the edge of her thumb.

"Well, yourself and the very angry-looking man to your left, made the short life of your daughter a damn right misery. Not me. I simply taught her to toughen up in a very cruel world, one where in which she can nawt keeping running back to Mama and Papa to protect her, even when they caused her more misery than good." I replied calmly, resisting the urge to grin at the horror and anger that crossed their faces.

"Are you gonna let him talk to us like that?" Simon asked Kelso, gesturing wildly in my direction. His furious gaze flitting between myself and the elder man.

"Ted..you can take this." Delegating, Kelso turned towards the lawyer, as did the focus of the grieving father.

"Umm...uh, D-Doctor Cox. M-maybe you could go outside, and uh..c-calm down." Ted stumbled over the words which left him, wiping the sweat of pressure from his forehead with the back of his shaking hand.

"You think?" Jordan, who had moved to stand next to Newbie, muttered under her breath.

"And, err...we need to talk about, um, what happens now, regarding Doctor Reid." Ted added to Elliot's parents, as Jordan ushered me out of the office, a hand reassuringly on my shoulder.

Leaning against the wall, I sighed deeply, closing my eyes. I became lost in the sounds of life, life which goes on. Nurses, doctors, patients; all of whom without names, rushing here and there. Living. The death of one doctor, one person, affects no-one other than those closest to her.

"Perry." A soft voice brings me out of my train of thought. I felt a small and soft hand slip into mine, I open my eyes and see Carla standing next to me. Glancing around, I see Jordan, Ghandi and Newbie are huddled together some way down the corridor, giving us the space we so clearly need. Carla rests her head against my arm, and sighs sadly.

"You're right you know." She murmurs softly into the fabric of my hockey jersey.

"About?"

"Simon and Lily. They did make her life a misery. She wouldn't admit so outright..but it was clear. She seemed much happier after a rant from you, than when she heard either one of them were visiting. Whenever I wanted to rant at you about being so mean to her, she'd always defend you..she'd say you had her best interests at heart."

"I did...I wish I still could." I sighed, feeling the tears roll down my cheeks, not bothering or caring to wipe them away.

"Thank you, Doctor Kelso. Mr Buckland." The door to Kelso's open was pulled open suddenly, as its occupants walked out. Elliot's parents first, both shaking hands with Kelso and Ted, who swiftly followed behind and walked them outside.

"Perry?"

"Yes Carla?"

"Um..the funeral is next week. For Elliot. Would you, uh, help myself and J.D. plan it? I know Elliot would want you to." Carla asked, locking my gaze with hers.

"Yeah, yes. Of course." I smiled sadly, silently hoping it might give me some form of release from the heartache. Carla pulled me close, and hugged me tightly. I bowed my head to her shoulder, relishing in the warmth and comfort she seemed to naturally ooze.

Pulling away, she gripped my hands consolingly, giving me a small smile. Nodding in return, I watched her hurry down the corridor to our group of friends, who were left, were kindly awaited us. Swiping my nose and folding my arms, I stared as Carla moulded into her husbands side, her arm wrapped around his waist, Newbie walking next to her, stealing glances over his shoulder to me. I wasn't aware that Jordan had walked to me until she slipped her arms around my waist, her face nuzzled into my chest. Kissing the top of her head, I threw my arm over her shoulder, and turned us towards the opposite end of the corridor.

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**Author's Note: Ack, you wouldn't believe how long this chapter took to write. Not only did the writer's block drown me like a motherbitch, but I had the attention span of fly. I'd get so easily sidetracked by reading other people's fics (when all I was initially doing was taking a break or trying to cure my writer's block)..next thing I know, it's midnight and I all I wanna to is crawl into bed and sleep like a baby. I don't know what's the matter with me, the motivation has descended into the core of the planet, otherwise known as the depths of hell. xD Also, I uh, had a rough week..my dog, my beloved Yorkshire Terrier who I had since I was 5, passed away on January 31st. So that kinda delayed any writing time, and I have been generally busy with family stuff, helping around the house and with running errands and whatnot. But I'll try so hard to not let anything stop me writing the next chapter..I promise I'll get chapter 5 finished by the end of the week. I'm sorry for this chapter being so short, but the next chapter should be longer. It is, after all, the funeral.**

**Please review, I love hearing your feedback, as I've always said it motivates me more than I can understand. I'd like to start writing for some other pairings, so if anyone would like a particular pairing they'd like to see for my next writing project, feel free to ask. **

**I need to give a shout-out to my wonderful and loyal readers, and everyone who has commented..thank you all so much, I do seriously love you guys. I probably wouldn't have got to Chapter 4 if the support for this story hadn't been so big. Going from my notes and chapter plan, I only have two more chapters left, and I feel guilty that I'm gonna be ending it..but I've got a few other Scrubs fics in the pipeline, and I'm juggling this fic with the Torchwood 'A Missing Person' fic..so I won't be gone for too long.**

**Ugh, I'm rambling now..sorry. In a nutshell; sorry for the lateness, thank you the support, please review.**

**Love and Peace folks.**

**xxx**


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